


If Today Was Your Last Day - Daisuga

by avenged_tobio



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: And Daichi becomes a single father, Brief mention of TeruDai at the end, Cancer, M/M, Suga has cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 14:49:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6012307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avenged_tobio/pseuds/avenged_tobio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is goodbye, Daichi, but I'll see you again someday." Koushi was the stronger of the two in this moment; he was the one wiping away Daichi's tears.</p><p>"Will you wait for me over there, wherever it is?"</p><p>"Every day. Thank you for making this life worth living, Daichi. I would tell you that I owe you one but it's a little too late for that."</p><p>"You don't owe me anything, Suga-bear. But can I at least have one more kiss?"</p><p>"Even with my face looking like this?"</p><p>"Of course, this is the face I fell in love with." Koushi nodded with that little smile that everyone loved and closed his eyes, feeling Daichi press their lips together in the most tender kiss that they've ever shared. They've had plenty of kisses over the course of their relationship but this one held a different kind of meaning. It would be their last, and neither one of them was ready to let it go. "I love you, Sawamura Koushi, in all of your glory. No one will forget about you."<br/>---<br/>The meaning behind the lyrics of Koushi's favorite song was simple: live every day like you're going to die at any moment. And he and Daichi take it to heart, when that day finally comes for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Today Was Your Last Day - Daisuga

**Author's Note:**

> Over Christmas break I found a YouTube video where someone made a list of all the Haikyuu!! characters and what their personal theme songs would be, and Suga's happened to be "If Today Was Your Last Day" by Nickelback... so sit back and enjoy some DaiSuga angst. 
> 
> Also, I'll be calling Suga by his first name instead of his last in this story because I feel like it would fit the mood better.

Daichi walked slowly and solemnly into the Miyagi Prefecture Hospital, a place he's come to know too well over the last few months. He walked slowly, knowing that this would be the last place that he would have to come to this same place, for the exact same reason. He was scared to see this day come, and everyone had hope that it would never have to come down to this.

A light drizzle fell as soon as he exited his car, and while rain used to mean good things for the former volleyball captain, he had grown to hate it. At first, it had such a sweet meaning: every time it rained, something good was supposed to happen. Time had a way of changing that meaning for him. It rained the same day that the Karasuno Volleyball Club won the Spring High tournament; it rained the day he asked his high school sweetheart Koushi to marry him; it rained the same day they brought their baby girl into their family; it rained the same day they got the dreaded test results back; and now it's raining on the day he says goodbye to the one who he made the sacred marriage vows with four years ago.

He remembered that day all too well. Daichi was finishing putting up the Christmas tree and Koushi was rocking baby Azumi (a name they chose because it rhymed with her godfather Asahi's) to sleep in the rocking chair that Daichi's grandmother gave to them as a baby shower present. They were having a lovely afternoon at home, well, as lovely as they could make it. Koushi knew something was wrong with him when he made a doctor's appointment days before, and they were still waiting for the results of the test he took to come back. They weren't too focused on that, though, because Christmas was coming up and both of them wanted to focus on being great parents to their daughter.

Then the phone rang. Daichi was right beside it so he was the first to answer, ignoring the caller ID and thinking it was one of their friends from their volleyball days. "Hello?" he answered, expecting to hear an over-excited Hinata or maybe even Tanaka calling about dinner plans. It was the doctor, presenting the tragic news. Koushi's tests were worse than expected. He had cancer that was too far advanced to be stopped. He was given a maximum of six months left to live.

"Daichi? What's wrong?" Koushi asked when Daichi finally hung up the phone silently.

"Suga-bear," he barely muttered through growing tears, calling his husband by his favorite nickname. "I'm so sorry." Daichi scooped up both Koushi and Azumi in his arms, the grey-haired man still confused. Hearing the news that Koushi was dying broke Daichi's heart. Having to tell him was an even worse feeling.

And now here he was, on his way to say goodbye to his husband with their one-year-old daughter in his arms. While both of them were at peace with the situation, neither one of them could accept that that she was going to grow up without one of her fathers. Daichi spent nights lying awake, wondering how he would explain to her why she only had one parent. He had no intentions of remarrying and was worried about how he would handle being a single father. Koushi thought the same thing, almost feeling guilty for leaving his family behind.

Daichi walked up to the familiar door with his husband's name on it and knocked once. He didn't even know why he needed to knock, because all the nurses on this floor already knew who he was. "Hey, Suga-bear," he greeted, walking into the room without waiting for an answer.

Koushi smiled and held out his hand. He was so calm and still smiling for a man who was almost at the end of his life. It's just never been in his nature to show his sadness. "Hi, Dai-chan," he responded weakly. Everything he said was a strain on his voice and he was hit with a coughing fit.

Daichi calmly walked to his side. "Shh, don't hurt yourself, darling. What time did the doctor say he was coming back?"

"It's 1:30 now, and he'll be coming back at 4. So, I only have two and a half hours left." Koushi had spent the last week or so in the hospital because his weakening health was too much for Daichi to take care of by himself, and he didn't want to be a burden on him. He would have preferred to spend his last days at home with his family and friends, but the pain was too much to deal with and, with Daichi's support, he made the decision to die on his own terms. His skin was pale and dry, his body was thin to the breaking point, and his hands were frail in Daichi's firm ones. His hair became dry and patchy so he kept it shaved like Tanaka's. He couldn't walk without help and even talking was hard to do. The cancer had taken such a toll on him that he felt like he couldn't even recognize himself.

Tears slipped down his cheeks at the thought of leaving Daichi, Azumi, and all of their friends on their way to say goodbye. He was dreading this day the most, and he didn't even want to begin wondering what his loved ones were feeling. Daichi held Azumi on his lap while he wiped away Koushi's tears with his free hand.

"Don't cry, Suga-bear," he begged, beginning to cry too. "I know you're scared but we both know this is for the best. It would be selfish of me to keep you here like this anymore."

"I know, Dai-chan, I just... I'm so sorry for doing this to you, and Azumi, and all of our friends too. Yeah, I'm scared, but I'm worried about you two and what's going to happen to you."

"Koushi, you know you don't have to apologize for anything. This was something you couldn't stop and we know that. Don't worry about us, we've had their support for years and nothing's gonna change that."

Koushi stopped crying coughed again. "Daichi, can I... h-have some water?"

"Of course, anything. Do you want to hold Azumi?"

Koushi smiled and his face barely lit up. He held the little girl in his arms while Daichi poured some bottled water in a small cup. When he turned around, Koushi was crying again and holding Azumi close to him.

"A-Azu-mi," he stuttered. "Papa loves you. N-never forget that, okay?"

Daichi could barely move forward as he watched what was going on in front of him. His mind went back to thinking about the future, when Azumi would be old enough to notice that something was wrong in their family. "Your papa Koushi was a fighter," he thought to himself. "He was never a soldier but he had his own battles. And sadly, sometimes in life you don't always win."

"H-h-here's your water, Suga-bear," he said, handing Koushi the cup. Koushi nodded his head slowly in thanks and raised the cup up to his lips.

"So, I know I probably shouldn't talk about this because of how short our time is now, but are you sure everything's settled? You know, with the funeral and all?"

Daichi nodded. "Please, don't worry yourself about that. We have everything taken care of. Let's think about some of the good times, okay?"

Koushi smiled and nodded. He did that little thing he always did when he smiled, where he closed his eyes and even showed a little bit of his teeth. The cancer had taken everything except for that special little gleam in his eye. That was probably the thing Daichi loved about him the most, and definitely one of the things he would miss when he was gone.

So they talked, about everything except for the present. They talked about their high school dates, the little and big victories they had on the volleyball team, the way they were basically the parents to their younger teammates, and their all-time favorite memories of everything in between. For a few minutes, they forgot about everything around them. For that time, they weren't in a lonely hospital room; they were cuddled in their bed while snow fell outside their window; they were at dinner with their friends, laughing and having a good time; they were in high school again, having weekend sleepovers and falling asleep during what they planned to be their "Netflix and chill" sessions that eventually turned into aggressive tickling. As far as they knew, they were anywhere but here.

Around 3:30, Daichi realized the time. "Should I go outside and tell everyone they can come in?"

Koushi nodded, still holding Azumi who fell asleep a long time ago. "Where did the time go, Daichi?"

Daichi smiled at Koushi's attempt to brighten their mood, but more tears slipped down his cheeks as he legitimately started asking that question to himself. He left the room and walked down to the silent waiting room, where everyone was there. Daichi's parents, Koushi's parents, Coach Ukai, Takeda-sensei, Hinata, Kageyama, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Nishinoya, Asahi, Tanaka, Ennoshita, Narita, Kinoshita, and all of their senpais from the volleyball club were there. There wasn't a dry eye in the room; even Tsukishima was tearing up.

"Hey everyone, we only have half an hour left and Koushi is ready to say his goodbyes." The entire group followed him down the hall to Koushi's room. Of course, his parents went in first, followed by Daichi's parents. Everyone went in pairs: Coach and Sensei, Hinata and Kageyama, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, Nishinoya and Asahi, Tanaka and Ennoshita, Narita and Kinoshita, and the senpais. They each had great things to say to the dying setter.

Once the last person left the room, they only had five minutes until the doctor came back in and Koushi would take his last breath. Daichi got one last look at all of the faces around him, each showing a different degree of grief, before he went back in the room to comfort his husband.

"Thank you for coming out today. I know it means a lot to Koushi."

"No problem, Daichi-san," Asahi answered, holding Azumi in one arm and hugging Noya tighter than they've ever seen. "We're a family, remember?"

Daichi smiled slightly. "Thank you. It's almost time, so I'm going in now. I'll see you all later." Daichi left their family and friends in the hall while he went back to Koushi's bedside. It was almost time for him to go.

"Are you ready?" Daichi asked, sighing and taking Koushi's frail hand.

Koushi nodded and smiled. "I think I am now. Still doesn't make this whole situation better though." A single tear slipped down the side of his pale face. "I'm so sorry that it had to end this way, Daichi. 'Til death do us part' came a lot sooner than we were hoping, huh?"

Daichi chuckled lowly, but it was a hollow laugh as more tears flowed down his cheeks. When they took their wedding vows four years ago, they had their entire future planned out. They had their dream home already waiting for them and wanted to have at least two children there. They wanted to retire to a small mountain cabin and grow old together, on a big porch swing and watching the rest of their eventful life fade slowly. They made the agreement to be with each other in sickness and in health, and Daichi did his best to hold up to that vow.

"You know, Suga-bear. I was looking forward to the day that I would see your hair get even greyer than before. Now I have to do that alone."

"No, no, you don't," Koushi interrupted. "I know you're going to miss me but my death shouldn't mean that you have to live the rest of your life alone. If someone comes along and you really like them, you should be happy with them. You deserve it Daichi. You're a great man, a loving father, and an amazing husband, and someone else deserves the opportunity to see that in you. It would be selfish of me to have you all to myself even when I'm not around." Koushi looked at the time and realize there was only one minute left. "Daichi, can you do me one last favor?"

"Of course, anything."

"C-can you open the window for me? I want to see the sky one more time."

"Of course. But be warned, it was raining when I came in earlier." Daichi remembered the rain and how it used to make both of them feel. Now it's only a reflection of the current situation. But when he opened the heavy curtains, he was surprised at what he saw. The rain had stopped a while ago and now the sun was poking through the clouds. Rays of sunlight hit the ground and a few strayed into the dark room. "Well, I didn't expect that."

Koushi chuckled quietly. "That's where I'm going, Daichi. If you need anything from me, just look up and I'll be there."

Daichi hurried back to Koushi's side right as the doctor walked in. "Are you ready, Mr. Sawamura?"

"Can I have one more minute? I haven't said goodbye to my husband yet."

"Sure, I still have to get ready myself."

Koushi took Daichi's hand again and looked him in the eye. "This is goodbye, Daichi, but I'll see you again someday." Koushi was the stronger of the two in this moment; he was the one wiping away Daichi's tears.

"Will you wait for me over there, wherever it is?"

"Every day. Thank you for making this life worth living, Daichi. I would tell you that I owe you one but it's a little too late for that."

"You don't owe me anything, Suga-bear. But can I at least have one more kiss?"

"Even with my face looking like this?"

"Of course, this is the face I fell in love with." Koushi nodded with that little smile that everyone loved and closed his eyes, feeling Daichi press their lips together in the most tender kiss that they've ever shared. They've had plenty of kisses over the course of their relationship but this one held a different kind of meaning. It would be their last, and neither one of them was ready to let it go. "I love you, Sawamura Koushi, in all of your glory. No one will forget about you."

The doctor started making his way over to the machines that were keeping Koushi alive as he returned the "I love you" to Daichi. "Goodbye, Daichi. Don't let Azumi forget about me either." The couple stared deeply into each other eyes as the doctor unplugged the machines that were keeping Koushi alive.

Then, in one second, Koushi closed his eyes and his hand went limp in Daichi's. He had stopped breathing and there was still a smile on his face. He looked like he was finally peaceful, something he hadn't felt in months.

"Goodbye, Suga-bear," Daichi muttered to his husband's lifeless body as he finally let him go. This was the end of their life together, and the start of his alone.

~~~

Daichi fastened the black tie on his matching suit in front of the mirror in the bedroom that he used to share with Koushi. It was silent these last few days, no laughter, no late-night pillow talks, not even the sound of Azumi crying in the other room. Hinata and Kageyama offered to take care of her while Daichi finished the funeral arrangements, so he hadn't seen their daughter in almost three days.

It was raining again outside, like it was when Daichi went to the hospital for the last time three days ago. It had been three days since Koushi left and each day felt like a struggle to keep himself alive. He felt hollow and cold, like a part of himself was missing. And, in reality, it pretty much was. His husband was so much a part of his life for almost ten years that his absence felt like a part of Daichi's existence had been taken from him.

Today, they were finally saying their goodbyes at a funeral fit for someone with as beautiful of a soul as Koushi. The ride to the chapel was quiet, with Daichi riding in the same car as his parents, his in-laws, and their siblings. Their team was meeting them there and he hadn't seen any of them since he came out of Koushi's room and announced his death. Daichi felt changed, like he wouldn't be recognized as the same person in front of them. After all, he was a widower before the age of 30.

Daichi spoke softly and only said a few words when he greeted the visitors. They understood why and never questioned it. When Hinata gave him Azumi, Daichi burst into tears again. He was happy to see his little girl again, but heartbroken that she was at her parent's funeral so young in her life. It's not fair, he thought to himself, that such an innocent child should go through this. She would never meet or even have a memory of Koushi, and he would never get to watch her grow up. This wasn't the way their life was supposed to go.

The service went by like a blur. Takeda-sensei gave the introduction and said a few words on Koushi's behalf, then gave the floor to anyone who wanted to say a few words themselves. His family and a few of the teammates spoke and gave their favorite memories of him, then towards the end everyone's undivided attention was given to Daichi.

"For the last three days, I've been struggling to find the right words to say that would do justice to how Koushi made me feel. He was my soulmate, and when he died I felt a piece of me go with him. When I first laid eyes on him our first-year of high school, I knew that I needed him in my life. I was scared because I didn't know how he would react, but from the first moment that I scooped him up in my arms as my boyfriend, I knew we were going to have a beautiful life together. And we did, for as long as we could. On his dying day, he still had that loving gleam in his eye that comforted everyone around him, the same gleam that I fell in love with over ten years ago. Lately, I've thinking about how I would explain who he was as a person to our little girl when she grows up, and I have so many things to say on his behalf to keep his memory alive. His last wish was for me to let her know how much he loved her, and of course I plan on making that happen. I'm still having a hard time myself with coming to terms with his passing, but when I wonder why the good ones always die young, I remember a saying that my grandmother told me as a child. 'When you walk through a flower garden, you always pick the most beautiful ones, don't you?' He was my angel on this earth, and now he's an angel for the rest of eternity. Thank you all for coming out today. Koushi knew how much he was loved, so thank you for helping keep his spirit alive today."

Daichi finished his speech and took his seat back in his spot as the last song played and Koushi was carried out of the chapel by the pallbearers, Asahi, Kageyama, Tanaka, and his older brother Teijo. It was one of his favorites, and also extremely appropriate for the day: "If Today Was Your Last Day". He played it several times in the hospital on the day he died, and Daichi didn't even object because he knew how much this song meant to him.

The rain stopped as soon as the funeral procession reached the graveyard near their house and Koushi was buried. The headstone was placed over the freshly-dug soil, and as everyone walked away Daichi took a seat on the ground beside it. He didn't even care that he was still in his suit. He needed this moment.

Despite Kageyama trying to hold him back, Hinata walked up beside the mourning Daichi with Azumi. "Daichi-san, do you want me and Kageyama to take Azu home with us while you stay here?"

Daichi turned to the redhead with puffy eyes and shook his head slowly. "I'll take her with me, Hinata. You guys have already done so much for me and I don't want to burden you too much."

"Daichi, you and Azu are far from being burdens, you know. We're happy to help you out any time you need, okay?"

"Okay." Daichi took his daughter back from Hinata and sat her on his lap, tracing the name carved in stone. "How did we get here so fast?" he mumbled to himself.

(Four years later)

"Are you ready to go visit your papa?" Daichi asked as he laced up his shoes. Azumi, now five-years-old, came running into the room with her hair in the braid that Asahi made for her. Even though she wasn't related to either Daichi or Koushi, she still had the same grey hair, same wide-open smile, and even the same mole that her papa had.

Exactly four years after Koushi lost his fight to cancer, Daichi and Azumi were taking one of their three annual trips to visit his grave. Azumi knew from the moment she could speak that she was missing one of her parents, then she started asking the questions. She knew from then all about her papa, she'd seen all the pictures that Daichi had in a giant album, and the rest of the team told her their favorite stories of him.

Daichi tried living on his own after Koushi's death but being a single father was harder than he thought. When Daichi reached his lowest point, Asahi and Noya offered to take them in to live with them and their children. The couple didn't mind making the space for them; Asahi is a business man and Noya is a lawyer, and their house had more than enough for two more people. Daichi was thankful for the help, and Azumi loved playing with her cousins.

Time had a way of healing Daichi's heart. The emptiness he felt faded after a while but he still thought about Koushi every day. A few months earlier, he finally decided to date again when he met a man named Terushima Yuuji, another ex-volleyball captain who's a little bit of a rebel on the outside but loved Azumi like his own daughter and understood what Daichi had gone through. Like Daichi, Terushima was the single father of a son about the same age as Azumi, whose first wife died in a car accident when the boy was two. Of course he always believed that a piece of his older boyfriend's heart belonged to his first husband, like a piece of his belonged to his wife. And that type of understanding was what made their relationship as strong as it was.

The car pulled up to the graveyard and Daichi helped Azumi out of her car seat. Unlike every other time when they came to visit, the sun was out and the day was hotter than usual. After a short walk into the open field, they reached the stone that bore the name Sawamura Koushi. Daichi sat down in the grass and Azumi sat on his lap.

"Hey there, Suga-bear, we're back," he started, talking as if Suga could respond to him. Azumi started talking to him too, she was so used to this tradition of theirs that sometimes they both forgot that she had no real memory of him.

Daichi and Azumi only visit this spot three days out of the year: June 13, Koushi's birthday, October 28, their wedding anniversary, and May 20, the day that Koushi died at 28 years old. These days are the most special ones of the year, but after watching his husband lose his life at such a young age Daichi understood that any day could be his last. So he adopted the lyrics of Koushi's favorite song to help him understand this crazy thing called life:

Against the grain should be a way of life

What's worth the prize is always worth the fight

Every second counts 'cause there's no second try

So live like you'll never live it twice

Don't take the free ride in your own life


End file.
